9/6/09

Well, I have learned how to mentally fight off the urges to eat, so now I get to see if I can utilize them. My weight has still continued to creep up, but I just joined Weight Watchers Online. Hopefully with these two things, I can get this weight to come off. I am going to take it five pounds at a time and reward myself with a pedicure for each five pounds I lose. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life!

8/24/09

I began the new eating plan yesterday. The first 2 weeks are spent on preparing yourself for actually dieting. Yesterday, we had to list the advantages to losing weight. I will share with you a few of mine. I had a lot of reasons, but I won't bore you with all of them.

I'll look better and more attractive
I'll have more confidence
I 'll feel happier when I look in the mirror
I won't feel so self conscious
I'll feel more optimistic
I'll be able to keep up with Vanessa
I'll like myself better
I'll feel as if I have accomplished something important
I'll be less self critical
I'll be more assertive
I'll feel in control

I forgot to weigh in this morning due to Vanessa being sick and putting my schedule out of wack. I was supposed to read my list of reasons and I didn't do it, so I did have a bit of a pig out this morning. I am back on track though!

8/19/09

I got my new book early. I have read only a few pages and I am super excited. It uses Cognitive Therapy to teach you how to eat healthy for the rest of your life, but to also sneak in those "forbidden" foods without feeling guilty. You learn how not to sabotage yourself by eating a "forbidden" food and beating yourself up about it. I can't wait to read more of the book.

8/17/09

Well, today's weigh in has me losing 1.4 lbs, so I am at 291.6 lbs. I did cheat a bit, so imagine what I would have been at had I not done that! I ordered a book Friday that is specifically geared toward emotional eaters, which I definitely am. Hopefully it will be here by the end of the week. I am interested in seeing what it says. Will try to remember to include that next week.

8/10/09

Survived my first day on the diet. My beginning weigh in is 293. Keeping my fingers crossed that I can stick to it this time.

8/9/09

Getting ready to start my re-diet tomorrow. Tomorrow is also my 13 year wedding anniversay, so 2 things to be excited about. I found a great online calorie counting journal that I am going to use and I will now have my laptop with me when I go to work, with internet access via sprint, so I have no excuses now!

8/7/09

Sorry it has been a while since I have checked in. Due to health issues over the past 3 months, I have not been worrying about my weight. This came back to bite me in the butt as I am now up to 293.2. As this was my first week back at work, I have not been worrying about counting calories this week, but I will get back in to doing that next week. I did watch what I ate though, so hopefully this will help when I get on the scale on Monday.

Thank you everyone for your support.

4/1/09

April Fool's Day. I thought for sure the scale would get me and give me a gain again. My doctor said my hormones would not be causing me to gain weight, so I have been back on them for a week. She was right, although I didn't lose much, I did lose. I am down to 275.2, so I lost .4 lbs. I'll take it even if it is tiny. I am trying to do a better job of listening to my body, but having grown up in the clean your plate generation, it is hard. Hopefully that along with being more aware of what is going into my bodyt, will keep my weight loss going. A little quicker than this week would be great!

3/25/09

Finally I lost a couple of pounds. I weighed in at 275.6. Since I have been off the hormones for a week, I think they had something to do with the gaining I have been having. I wasn't as diligent at journaling as I should have been and did almost no exercising, so that proves it. I see the gyno on Monday, so we will see what the second choice will be. I do have to get my hormones under control, but I am not going to do it at the risk of gaining even more weight than I already have on my body.

This week, I promise to be more diligent with my journaling. I need to really think about what I am putting in my mouth.

Weigh In 3/18/09

Another crappy weigh in. I am up another 2 lbs to 277.6. I have to wonder if the hormones the doctor has me on is having something to do with this. It is doing wierd things to my body anyway, so maybe it is making me gain weight. I will just have to be extra dilligent this next week. My laptop will go everywhere with me so that I can journal journal journal and I am going to start exercising since I fell out of doing that. Maybe that will be the right combination to overcome the hormones.

Weigh In 3/11/09

I am trying to not get too down here, but I am at a loss right now. Unfortunately, not a literal one. I am back up 2 lbs to 275.6. I went 6 days with not eating after dinner, but I guess I was eating too much during the day. I do know that I was having a lot more soda to try to keep me awake, so that probably did not help.

I am bringing my laptop with me everywhere, starting today, and journaling everything I put in my mouth. It will probably not be pretty for a while, but at least I will be accountable, even if it is only to myself.

3/4/09 Weigh In

I weighed in on Wednesday at 273.6. Better than my high in February of 276, but still ended up with a gain of 3 lbs for the month. I started a new goals program to hopefully keep me steady and help me work on one thing at a time, so I am not overwhelmed. My biggest issue, eating wise, is that I tend to eat after dinner regardless of if I am hungry or not. My goal for the next 2 weeks is to not eat anything after dinner. So far, I have been sucessful 4 days in a row. If I can go 2 weeks, I will get myself a non food related reward under $20. At the end of the 2 weeks, I will add a new goal on top of the current goal and keep doing this until I run out of ideas of goals, but by the end, I should be leading a healthier life.

Weigh In 2/25/09

Today was not such a fun day on the scale. I am back up in weight to 276. Depressing, but not a big surprise. I will get back down. I just have to find my focus again!

Gonna get back on track

So, I haven't been so good lately at keeping up on my blog or my diet. I am getting back to it tomorrow and will weigh in on Wednesday regardless of how ugly it might be. I think I needed to allow my body time to get used to my new medications. I have been dragging and having no energy, so I reach for sugar to get me through the day. I have my laptop set with a journal program and will take it with me to work so that I can be accountable.

Thanks again everyone for your support.

Weigh In 2/4/09

Most of you know that I have had a very difficult time since my last weigh in. I was hospitalized for 7 days due to my second nervous breakdown in 6 months. I am hoping that now I have the proper medication to control my bi polar disorder so that I can concentrate on losing weight.

Having spent that time in the hospital with absolutely no exercise, very little movement and eating to sooth myself, I was scared to face the scale. I decided yesterday that I had to bite the bullet and get on the scale. I was so excited to find that I lost 2.6 lbs since my last weigh in. This put my weight loss for January at 8.8 lbs. Slow and steady, just how I want to do it this time around!

Weigh In 1/19/09

My weigh in today was a good one. Not as good as last week, but I will still take it. I am down to 273.2, so I lost 1.6 lbs. I flipped around and around on what my diet plan was going to be. I finally did decide to go ahead and journal calories, but I didn't do that this weekend. I think that stopped me from losing as much as I could have. Will have to make sure I journal, no matter how ugly it is. This weeks goal is to journal journal journal!

Will She Make Up Her Mind?

I am so indecisive. I do know that I need to journal, which I am going to do, but I find that I get too messed up when I concentrate on calories rather than listening to my body. The day that I listened to my body, I did great with my eating. Yesterday when I counted calories, I did great with my calories until it came to after dinner and then I just went on a munch fest. I wasn't hungry, just tired and should have gone to bed. Instead I was up munching and talking to Gene. I am going to continue to journal EVERYTHING that I put in my mouth, but not worry about calories. I am also going to work on my nighttime eating. Hopefully this will make me successful. It is what worked for me when I lost my first 30 lbs. I just quit doing it, so the weight didn't continue to go off.

Happy Hump Day Everyone!

As is typical of me, I have changed my mind once again on how I am going to get through this life changing journey. I decided that I do need to go ahead and journal my food and keep track of calories so that I can open my eyes to what I am putting in my mouth.

I was proud of myself today though. We now have an hour for lunch (we used to have only 45 minutes). Before I ate my Lean Cuisine, I took a walk around the block. This was on top of the workout I did with the Wii Fit this morning. Weather permitting, I am going to start making this a regular routine. I don't need an hour to eat, so rather than sitting around reading, I might as well get my butt out and walk!

Weigh In 1/12/09

Well, I survived the first week. I exercised with the Wii Fit 5 days. That resulted in a weight loss, so I am very happy. My weigh in this week was 274.8, so I lost 4.6 lbs. I am sure part of that is water weight, but I will still take it.

Now, we shall see how this week goes with my new plan of action. I hope that it works as I can't see myself living the rest of my life counting calories once this adventure is done, but I can see myself listening to my body and doing well. Now, let's put it to the test!

I was informed by one of my followers, my sister, that she didn't find my posts borring, so if I have anything of interest to talk about, I will go ahead and post, but at the least, I will be posting once per week.

Thanks everyone for your support. It is very much appreciated.

Tomorrow is my first week weigh in. A little nervous to see it even though I did well with my calories this week. I have decided that for the first time in my adult life, I am going to try to learn how to listen to my body. I am going to concentrate on eating when I am hungry, not when the clock tells me to or because I think I should have some dessert, even if I am stuffed, as is usually the case. I will continue to journal what I eat, but I am not going to count calories as I am finding that I am stressing about if I have the correct serving for the calories. I lost weight before by listening to my body, but I did not continue to do that. This time I have to do that and I think listening to my body is a plan I can live with for the rest of my life.

Let's see how that weigh in goes tomorrow!

Started the day on the Wii Fit again. This time I used the game from Jillian from the Biggest Loser. She pretty well kicked my butt. A good workout and still had fun. Did well with my eating today. I ended up being 572 calories below my max calories. The weekend will be the hardest part for me, but I am going to do it.

I don't think I am going to post every day. That is liable to get a big long and borring. Since my weigh in day is Monday, I will post on Mondays.

I am so glad it is Wednesday. Friday just can't get here fast enough. I am exhausted. I was good at used the Wii Fit again this morning for the 3rd day in a row. Yeah for me! It is the only time that I have been able to say I have exercised and had fun at it. It is the best Xmas gift we have ever gotten. I did well with my eating. I was craving sugar tonight, so I had a bowl of cereal rather than reaching for my daughter's candy. I ended up 300 calories below my max calories, so I am very excited about that.

Well this was a rather rough day as we were woken up at 1:00 this morning with our daughter complaining that her bed was wet. Low and behold, the roof in her room was leaking right onto her bed. Poor thing. It took forever for me to get back to sleep, so I was dragging this morning. I really wanted to go by Starbucks this morning, but wasn't sure how my calories for the day would be, so I waited for lunch. Had that and a muffin for lunch, not healthy, but got me through the day and I ended up 35 calories below my max. Need to work on eating healthier, but for now, if I can stay below my calorie max, I will be happy.

I am going to try and post every night on how my day went. I was able to save enough calories through the day, so that I was able to have a Peanut Buster Parfait tonight, but I think I need to work on spreading my calories out over the day. I was starving and very grumpy by the time I got home tonight, not a good thing. I was able to stay below my max calorie allotment by about 100, so i feel good about that.

Well, had my starting weigh in today. Not as good as I had hoped. I way overindulged over the last 2 months, but this just shows that I need to really pay attention to what I eat. I weighed in at 279.4! Not going to let it get me down though.

In the beginning

I hate to admit my weight to anyone, but I have decided that in order to lose this weight I have to be true to myself and the world. Maybe this way, I will be motivated enough to get down to where I want to be, which at this time, I don't know where that is as I am taking baby steps.

It all began at the beginning of 2005. I had been trying to lose weight up to that point, but had pretty much been unsuccessful. I found myself in Florida, 3,000 miles from family and friends and at my highest weight ever, 310. I always kidded myself that my height hid my weight, but at that weight, everyone knows you are fat. By September 2005, I lost 30 lbs with just listening to what my body wanted to eat and when. I maintained that weight, for the most part, for 3 years.

Along comes August 2008. I ended up having a nervous breakdown, being hospitalized and being diagnosed with bi-polar. This started yet another weight loss attempt. The medicine I was given has been shown to cause weight gain and I pictured myself back up at 310 in no time, so I began journaling and watching my calories. This got me down to 265, which I had seen for about 5 seconds right after the birth of my daughter in 2000.

Unfortunately, the holidays came and a bout of depression, so I have put on some weight. I am not sure how much, but I know it is a few. My plan is to go back to journaling and watching my calories again on Monday, January 5th, at which time I will also face the dreaded scale again.

This time I also plan on incorporating exercise into my plan, which I haven't really done in the past. We got a Wii Fit for XMas and Gene bought a game for it developed by Jillian from the Biggest Loser. I am a bit afraid of trying it, but I know that I need to do it as I am tired of being this size.

I invite you to join me in my journey as I can use as many cheerleaders as possible. I know it will be a long journey, but as I have heard over and over, it didn't come on over night, so I can't expect it to come off over night either.